Mamba

/ snacks
by Steven

Purchase Price: $0.54
Purchase Place: Wal-Mart
Rating: 2.5
Pros: Softer than Starbursts.
Cons: Bad for braces. Too sweet.

I am a huge fan of Starbursts. Anybody that loves Starbursts should give Mamba a try. It tastes and looks very similar to a Starburst. Is it any better? Not really.

A Mamba stick only comes in raspberry, orange, strawberry for 58 cents. Overall, I think Starbursts are slightly cheaper although I’m too lazy to actually do the calculations. The flavors are kind of generic and disappointing also. I have no complaints towards the raspberry and strawberry but the orange seemed too artificial.

Old Mamba sticks to the paper almost as bad a Now and Later. Mambas also seem to taste a little sweeter than Starbursts. Mamba is worth a try but I think I’m going to stick to Starbursts when I need sugar.

Taco Bell 7-Layer Crunchwrap

/ fast food
by Steven

Purchase Price: $2.11
Purchase Place: Taco-bell
Rating: 1.0
Pros: Fills you up if you eat the whole thing.
Cons: Unhealthy. Where is the beef? Too much sour cream and not enough guacamole.

Can anybody actually name the seven layers in the new taco bell crunchwrap? I had to look this up: Beans, cheese, red sauce, tortilla strips, sour cream, guacamole, and tomatoes. Yes, red sauce was listed on the Taco bell web site. What the hell is red sauce?

This snack is a mess. The original had meat and was much more enjoyable although it tasted just like a normal taco. This thing is not a good value at $2. Although I’m not much of a fan, the guacamole is barely noticeable. The sour cream was too high, and “red sauce” just scares me.

I don’t even care that this thing is 660 calories. I didn’t go to Taco Bell to eat healthy. They tried to market this food item as a portable “on the go” snack. It doesn’t work. My wrap limps to one side the instant I hold it: disappointing. Even if you enjoyed the original crunch wrap, this is not worth it.

Tang Orange Drink Mix

/ drinks
by Steven

Purchase Price: $1.97
Purchase Place: Wal-Mart
Rating: 3.0
Pros: Fortified with vitamins. Only 40 calories. Kosher. Not that much sugar.
Cons: It’s not a kick in a glass. Weak orange. Tastes watered down. Not sweet enough.

I enjoy the taste of orange juice sometimes. I am a firm believer that oranges > apples. Tang does not do the trick for me. The commercials for Tang make the juice seem very strong. Tang provides all the nutritional values of a normal orange juice, except it tastes watered down. Now this seems silly since it’s just powder and you just add water.

No matter how much powder you put into your drink, your juice will never reach the thickness of real orange juice. The “kick in a glass” tag line is misleading. This may be nice for sissies who believe that orange juice is too acidic for you because Tang doesn’t taste as “sour.” Tang is a less sweet Sunny Delight.

I purchased this drink as an impulsive buy but I do not regret it. Tang is a nice complementary drink to my dinners. If you like orange juice but think it’s too strong and sweet, then Tang was made for you.

Clean & Clear Oil Absorbing Sheets

/ grooming
by Steven

Purchase Price: $5.45 for 50 sheets
Purchase Place: Kroger
Rating: 3.5
Pros: Instantly removes excess oil. Won’t smudge makeup. Cool effect.
Cons: Very expensive. Needs more surface area.

Although I’m ashamed to admit it, I have a very oily face. Remember that Simpsons episode where Homer was trying to sell grease, and he went to a fast food clerk then wanted to steal that kid’s face oil for profit? I am that kid.

This product was definitely geared towards the females although I purchased it because I felt my face was extra oily that day. The blue pad instantly turns clear when wiped against oil. I was very amused/impressed within the first swipe. I got curious and tried other liquids such as spit and water which do not work so well. These sheets were designed to absorb oil.

The whole package can fit in your palm and was designed to be portable. I have it in my backpack and whip it out whenever I “feel” oily. I’m comfortable enough with my manhood to use oil absorbing sheets in public, although I’m pretty sure not everybody is willing to also.

I don’t plan on buying this product again since it’s so expensive. They do exactly what they claim but the price is equivalent to five bean burritos at Taco Bell. I found an alternative to these oil absorbing sheets although they are not as awesome. It’s called toilet paper.

McDonald’s Southern Style Chicken Sandwich

/ fast food
by Steven

Purchase Price: $2.73
Purchase Place: McDonald’s
Rating: 2.0
Pros: Real chicken.
Cons: Plain bread. Plain chicken. Plain pickles. It’s a blatant rip-off from the Chik-fil-a sandwhich.

The Southern Style Chicken Sandwich was released in July, 2006. I just noticed it the other day. This just shows you how much I really pay attention to McDonald’s…although I bought a Big Mac from the same place last week.

From my gym, there is a McDonald’s, school Chik-fil-A and Burger King. I usually make a stop after the gym. The Chik-fil-A chicken sandwich is $2.75 and made from the chicken god himself. The amount of butter is usually just right and the chicken is especially juicy. The McDonald’s Southern Style Chicken Sandwich is a blatant rip-off that is 0.02 cents cheaper than the Chik-fil-A sandwich here.

The pictures advertised are misleading. The chicken is not bigger than the bun and kind of dry, but it had a nice shape(oval). Everything about this sandwich is just spectacularly plain. I’m almost ashamed I paid more than $2.00 for such an inferior sandwich.