Dr. Dogg Lite Energy Drink

/ drinks
by Steven 

Purchase Price: $1.79
Purchase Place: Quik-Trip
Rating: 1.0
Pros: Has no medicine taste. It’s like Vault, except weaker.
Cons: Dr. Pepper taste…no more like Mr. Pibb. Has slight diet taste. Not enough caffeine. 

You’ve seen them. You’ve heard of them. You’ve probably never tried them. I’m talking about Dr. Dog, Rooster Booster and Ram jam energy drinks found at Quik-Trips across the nation. Simply put, none of them are worth swallowing except maybe Ram Jam. 

I bought Dr. Dogg Lite, Ram Jam Lite and Rooster Booster Lite because it was $4 for three of them. I had a test the next day and needed to pull an all-nighter while maintaining a healthy physique by counting my calories. 

I’m only writing about Dr. Dogg because of its silly logo that I can’t help but laugh whenever I hold the Vitamin C rich energy drink in my hand. Ram Jam is to Mountain Dew as Dr. Dogg is to Dr. Pepper. One thing I noticed about Dr. Dogg light was compared to the other two was how weak the drink tasted and how little energy it provided. 

There is no medicine taste you sometimes apparently find in other energy drinks but I think that’s what keeps you awake. Dr. Dogg has the same kick as watered down Diet Dr. Pepper and includes a stupid logo that makes even the coolest person look retarded.
 
Ram Jam and Rooster Booster taste better and probably provide more caffeine. Don’t get Dr. Dogg. Better yet, just get Rooster Booster for a lot cheaper from the fountain drink machines. I’m only posting the Dr. Dogg picture because it is just as stupid as the Dr. Dogg Lite version and I can’t find the Lite picture.

Oregon Chai Nog

/ drinks
by Steven

Purchase Price: $3.00
Purchase Place: Kroger
Rating: 3.5
Pros: Soothes the lungs, mind, and gives me an erection.
Cons: A weird taste that’s different from other milk mixers. Smells bad. Kind of pricey.

Every time I make my junk food run to fill my special food bucket, I occasionally stop by the health foods section so I wouldn’t feel so guilty eating a bag of Reese’s Pieces. Ordinarily, nothing catches my eye because most of the items are too damn expensive. Oregon Chai Nog suddenly attracted me to its ugly box simply because it was on sale.

Chai Nog sounds disgusting and tastes disgusting (without milk). It’s a mix of egg-nog and chai tea. The instructions inform you to pour half milk and half Chai Nog. I apparently did not see those instructions when I first decided the just pop open the box and pour some juice directly into my mouth. I gagged a little.

With the skim milk that I provided, Chai Nog is pretty tasty. The drink was kind of weird since I’m very use to drinking Nesquik mixes. The spice is pretty strong and the egg-nog is subtle enough for even non-egg-nog lovers. The Chai Nog soothed my throat and made me feel lighter on the inside. I felt like meditating but instead ended up taking a nap naked.

What makes Chai Nog excellent is that you can decide the strength or weakness your Chai Nog. The suggested serving suggested pouring half a cup of Chai Nog and half a cup of milk. I found that to be a little bit strong and too sweet so I decided to drink my Chai with 3/5 milk instead. It’s excellent.

Chai Nog may not be the best tasting flavor from Oregon Chai but it has sparked my interest in the brand. The next time I make my food run, I’ll make a mental note to try the other Oregon Chai flavors. I have definitely found an alternative to Nesquik.

Whoppers Strawberry Milkshake

/ candy
by Steven

Purchase Price: $1.43 for 10oz
Purchase Place: Wal-MartRating: 2.5
Pros: Excellent malt-filled center. Pink box. Cheap.
Cons: Extremely bad for you. Too sweet. Not enough milk or shake. Kind of hard to sneak into the movies.

False advertising is very prominent in our world. I felt obliged to purchase the new Whoppers Milkshake Strawberry not just because I’m a fan of the original whoppers, but because I like food that says “New!” on them. The colors on the box also attracted me since I have a mentality of a Pokemon sometimes.

The color itself is not bright pink like the box advertises but instead a pale pink, like skin off an average Caucasian guy. They look like tiny scrotums. It reminds me of that one time I walked in on my friend Jerry while he was taking a shower except….the Whoppers taste better.

I was expecting a ball filled with a familiar taste of milkshakes but instead I just got plain Whoppers with an outer strawberry covering instead. At least the original Whoppers had the decency to state that it was just a malted milk ball. The strawberry covering is a little too sweet even compared to the original. I’ve grown accosted to artificial flavors but Strawberry Whoppers seem to be a little more prominent than other candies.

I heard that there were Vanilla Milkshake Whoppers somewhere. It must be disgusting. Stick to the original Whoppers unless you are a huge fake strawberry fan. The original Whoppers are still my favorite candy at the movies along with Milk Duds.

Samuel Adams Cherry Wheat

/ drinks
by Charlie

Purchase Price: $7.49/ 6pack
Purchase Place: The Fast and Easy
(Other local beer/liquor stores)
Rating: 4.0
Pros: Sweet Aroma, Great Taste, Great guy on label, IT GETS YA DRUNK!
Cons: High Price, Somewhat difficult to find, you may orgasm and leave a stain upon first sip (Not impressive to the ladies that may be nearby… unless you’re me)

The other day I was feeling that oh so depressing feeling of school and the work it contains… Tests, Homework, Studying, doing badly on said test…So, in the most logical of ideas, I decided that I’d wash away my wallows with some alcohol. However, this time I wanted a nice quality drink and boy, did I get one!

First off, I can honestly tell you that this beer doesn’t taste as good coming back up as it does going down. Mainly because I haven’t experienced this and nor do I want to with such a fine beer. Only irresponsible drinkers that cannot grasp the nirvana of such a blessed drink will do that with good beer and thankfully, I’m not one of them. So, I wouldn’t know. But, I partially believe that not even vomit could offset the beauty that is SAM ADAMS CHERRY WHEAT. So, in retrospect… I could conceive that it might be amazing for a second taste! But, I don’t want to risk it.

This stuff is one of those fabled nectar of the gods!!! I normally like dark, full beers that give you a decent amount of bite without ripping off a limb or something. But, this full-bodied beer gives you such a joyful first sip that when it ends you have no choice but to rampage and attack the first thing you see… because obviously that is what took away your happiness; which is this beer.

The aroma alone is of a sweet afternoon in a blossoming cherry field after the peak heat of the day (The heat helps release the smells… I guess… [It obviously works with trash and other forms of Christina Aguilera]). But, that first sip is how Jim Koch makes his money. He rewards your daring buy with a light cherry flavor combined with full bodied beer true to the Samuel Adams claims. You can taste the malts, the hops, the fresh cherries, and the mythical love juice that can only be Jim Koch’s secret ingredient. In short, I highly recommend SAM ADAMS CHERRY WHEAT.

This is an excellent fall beer, because it is full bodied and filling. However, the cherry taste rewards you with lovely spring time memories. This melody of flavor should take you to your happy place. If it doesn’t then you may want to quit be such an angry person, construct a happy place (because you obviously don’t have one to go to), and cheer up emo kid. Have a great day.

Swiffer Carpet Flick

/ misc
by Robert

Purchase Price: $12.99
Purchase Place: Meijer’s
Rating: 3.0
Pros: Inexpensive alternative to a vacuum cleaner. Good for lazy people who don’t really plan on cleaning but want to make it seem that they do.
Cons: Requires little sticky sheets to catch the dirt. Ugly.

So the other day I was sitting down on the floor of my apartment getting ready to watch some tv when I noticed that I was sitting in a pile of assorted clutter: dried leaves, bits of paper, crumbs, beer cans, etc. Now, I wouldn’t say that my place is “dirty” but I thought it could use a once over with a vacuum cleaner. Unfortunately, however, neither I nor my room mate owns a vacuum cleaner so we decide to try the Swiffer Carpet Flick. The television advertisement made it seem pretty good and the price was more than within our alotted budget for cleaning supplies.

Assembly was simple and a test of the product on a corner of our living room showed that it works pretty well. Little bits of this and that were picked up and stuck on the collection pad in the middle of the sweeper. The sweeper got the big stuff that we wanted to get rid of but I can’t be sure of how well it did for the dirt and smaller bits that you can’t easily see.

The biggest problem I have with this thing is that it requires disposable pieces of cardboard that have been coated with glue to collect all the crap you pick up. Without this sticky board, the dirt and nastiness falls right back onto your carpet. Whether it’s a Swiffer Carpet flick or a water filter or whatever else, I do so hate having to refill crap; it’s a pain in the ass. Aside from that, and the in-your-face-I’m-an-obnoxious-looking-orange-chunk-of-plastic look that it has, the Swiffer Carpet Flick does a satisfactory job. In addition to keeping your floors clean, the sweeper also has a collapsible handle that you can take apart and use to shoot giant spitballs at unsuspecting pedestrians from your balcony. Unfortunately for my carpet, I’ve been using the Carpet Flick more for the latter purpose and consequently my living room is still a mess.